Knoxville, Tenn. - Tuesday, July 19, 2016

There was a situation this past Tuesday at the newly renovated RBI facility located in the fashionable warehouse district of the Deane Hill neighborhood.  It was eerily reminiscent of six years ago when Ken Bodie, CEO of the Advanced Workout Group from Cherokee Country Club made his first and only visit to RBI.  See link below to be reminded of this epic workout by Mr. Bodie.

http://sevenfatguys.blogspot.com/2010/07/rbi-v-ccc.html

As mentioned above, the RBI facility has been the recipient of much needed new equipment. Donations have been pouring in and those who have visited in the past would not recognize the workout area of the warehouse.  Heating and air conditioning are still on the donation list and a Go Fund Me page is in the works to see if heat can be in place before the winter solstice.

The director of RBI, Bryan "B-Rod" Rodriguez normally trains the 7:00 am class on Tuesdays and Thursdays at RBI known to most as "Jerry's Kids".  When the class arrived this morning, they were surprised and shocked to see Geraldo "G-man" Orta, former University of Tennessee football star and one of the trainers of the Advanced Workout Group at Cherokee waiting to instruct the group.  After four sets of "warm-ups" which included decline bench presses, decline butterfly's and band stretches, Mr. Orta informed the group that they would be participating in the 1,000 rep challenge.

Things were going fairly well with the group and there were really no issues with the challenge until the final event.  When the two-minute plate push was announced, Jerry, namesake of the group, flatly refused to complete the challenge.  After a few choice words, the rest of the class agreed to participate. As you can see in the pictures from both Ken Bodie's attempt and today's plate pushes, the green astro turf is still in place at RBI.  For those of you who have experienced this turf then you know it dates back some 50 plus years when the inventors of the turf used the RBI facility to test the first run of the material.

As seen above, the Very Rev. David Boettner, Rector of Sacred Heart Cathedral, had some difficulty with the turf but ultimately was able to finish although not in the allotted timeframe.  Fr. David was heard calling for the Very Rev. John Ross, Rector of St. John's Episcopal Cathedral who is also a member of Jerry's Kids.  Fr. John was suspiciously absent from today's workout and it has been reported that he had been tipped off that today's workout would end with plate pushes.  Although Fr. David's speech was unintelligible, it is believed he was calling on Fr. John to invoke the Holy Spirit to exorcise whatever demons might be possessing him.

It has been rumored that Mr. Kirk Icuss, another member of the group has had ties to the Italian Mafia in the past.  Mr. Icuss, a descendant of the Iacovissi family also has connections with the Morelli family and has indicated that should Mr. Orta return to the RBI facility certain "contracts" may be executed.

In the future it is probably best that the "country club" types, and their trainers, stay on their side of the tracks.

Where was the TURTLE today?

Breaking News from the Advanced Workout Group Friday, April 26, 2013

It appears that John F., fondly known as Grape Ape, has finally found an exercise that he enjoys.

John spent several inconsistent years with the prestigious Advanced Workout Group (AWG) at Cherokee Country Club. John was a chronic complainer and always seemed to be in search of the ultimate exercise; one he described as 'I wish I could just stand around and lose weight'.

During John's combative and short-lived tenure with the AWG, he strayed several times...

John joined the ladies Koko Fit Club with a six-month trial membership and was asked to leave after three visits due to his uncontrollable flatulence.

John then joined the Outdoor Boot Camp Club for several weeks, but mysteriously injured his back while gawking at the other female participants.

Just as John was hitting rock-bottom in his search for the ultimate easy exercise, he stumbled across the Belly-Jiggling Weight Loss Machine in the basement of Cherokee Country Club while visiting his wine locker.

The AWG would like to wish John the best of luck in his new exercise endeavor!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

BAND OF (BODIE) BROTHERS

Knoxville, Tenn. - May 12, 2011 -- Larry Bodie, youngest brother of two of the founding members of the Advanced Workout Group reported to workouts today at the RBI facility. Larry, the very successful CEO of a well known local IT services company attempted to join the group now affectionately known as "Jerry's Kids".

Bryan Rodriguez, director of the RBI location, paired Larry with the namesake of the group and the Very Reverend David Boettner thinking Larry could handle the less strenuous workout the two are known for. Larry did fairly well until the bosu pushup segment that left him muttering "someone promised me there would be beer here".

At one point in the workout, it appeared that Father David might have to perform the Sacrament of the Sick more commonly known as "Last Rites". It was then pointed out by Kirk Icuss that even though Larry had recently signed a lucrative IT services contract with Sacred Heart Cathedral, he had not yet converted to the one true and holy apostolic church. Father David confirmed this report but indicated a deal had been struck that could see Larry's entire company attending services at the Cathedral in the next few weeks.

Others in the group compared Larry's visit with that of his middle brother Ken in July of last year. You might recall from an earlier report that Ken had quite a bit of trouble with plate pushes. It was pointed out to Larry the he was indeed fortunate that Miss Elise Icuss was not returning to the workout group until next week as she returns home for the summer break. Miss Icuss is known for her sharp wit and physical prowess as she almost brought Ken to tears at his first and ONLY visit to RBI last summer.

As Larry left the facility, he could be heard calling his office to officially take a "sick day". The group really hopes that Larry returns next week as there is a slight chance their daily rate from PTI could be reduced by as much as $1.35.

Grape Ape Like Cars

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.

The Advanced Workout Group Alumni Report

THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING

Jerry Bodie, an alumnus of the Advanced Workout Group continues to have great success in his life after having been “counseled out” of the Advanced Workout Group several years earlier. After drifting aimlessly for a while, Jerry found a new home at RBI and started the now famous Tuesday/Thursday “Jerry’s Kids” workout team. In addition to his world travels and half marathon training, Jerry continues to be active in his church and community. On a recent Friday night, Jerry was observed at Cherokee Country Club enjoying exclusive access to the Nine O’clock Cotillion Board Room in the Old Grill after a well-received master of ceremonies performance on behalf of the ladies of the Cotillion. Jerry’s pleasing baritone, his proper enunciation, and his exacting syntax all combined to result in one of the most talked about emcee performances at Nine O’clock Cotillion in many years.
This buffo performance in service of the beautiful ladies of Nine O’clock, his many community service commitments, and his present seat on the Board of Cherokee Country Club all point to one more future accomplishment to add to Jerry’s already very full resume………

A future King of Nine O’clock Cotillion!!!

Congratulations, Jerry, on all your success after leaving the Advanced Workout Group and keep up the great work! You make us proud!

“Roid-Rage” in Africa, 50+ Animals Dead, Myers Injured

AP Wire, Knoxville, TN

What began as a “sight-seeing” Safari tour in Africa turned deadly for over fifty innocent animals ranging from Giraffes to Zebras. It appears that once again, illegal steroid use was the cause of spontaneous violence.

According to witnesses, Dr. W. , a member of the Advanced Work-Out Group from Cherokee Country Club, Knoxville, TN, experienced involuntary rage while participating in an innocent wild-life sightseeing tour in Africa this past July. Allegedly Dr. W. had not worked out in several days and his pent up rage caused him to overtake the Safari guide and abscond with his high-powered rifle. When all the smoke cleared, over fifty wild animals (of which several were endangered) were dead.

When told of Dr. W's acts, fellow work-out companion, David J., had the following statement:

“I am not surprised that Dr. W experienced this bout of rage. On several occasions Dr. W. has threatened me as I was not able to perform the ‘full body length pull-ups’ to his satisfaction. I feared if he went more than two days without working-out to release his rage that someone, or something, was going to be in danger. It saddens me that several innocent animals were killed just because Dr. W. could not exercise his steroid induced demons under the guidance of B-Rod, his personal trainer. This explains why Dr. W has not been attending our work-out sessions the past few weeks.”

Local authorities were finally able to restrain Dr. W. after he pulled several back and chest muscles trying to lift his kill into the back of the sight-seeing all-terrain vehicle. Dr. W. is being held in Africa until his court date of August 15th.

RBI v. CCC

Today we welcome a special guest Blogger, Mr. Jerry Bodie, to the workout group blog, with an update on recent developments from the RBI workout group.

Knoxville, Tenn. - July 6, 2010 -- Ken Bodie, CEO and founding member of the Advanced Workout Group formally of 180 Fitness and now firmly ensconced at the exclusive Cherokee Country Club visited the other side of the tracks today at the RBI facility. RBI is managed by Performance Training who also happens to manage the CCC Fitness Center. Mr. Bodie appeared unannounced at RBI and demanded he be allowed to work out with the group he has dubbed "Jerry's Kids". His comment was that since he was leaving on another "business" trip, he needed a rather light workout prior to boarding his First Class flight to Stockholm. This was of course after a tirade about the lack of bottled spring water, fresh fruit, clean towels and LaVazaa Italian coffee at the RBI facility. In addition, Ken wondered where the group got their shoes shined on a regular basis as JuneBug was nowhere to be seen.

Bryan Rodriguez, Director of the RBI facility and trainer for both the Advanced Workout Group and "Jerry's Kids" succumbed to Mr. Bodie's demands and proceeded to pair Ken with Miss Elise Icuss, the only female member of Jerry's Kids.

The workout regiment proceeded as normal and about halfway through Mr. Bodie could be heard using the language accustomed to that heard normally at the 6 a.m. workout at CCC. Mr. Rodriguez made note of the fact that even though both Father David Boettner and Father John Ross were absent, he would not tolerate that kind of mouth in front of Miss Icuss. Miss Icuss proceeded to complete her plate pushes 25 minutes ahead of Mr. Bodie.

After the Jerry's Kids workout, Ken proceeded directly to Cherokee Country Club, where he promptly complained to the Chairman of the House Committee that there needed to be two sets of handrails on the steps leading to the Men's Locker Room as he struggled to keep from falling. The Chairman reminded Mr. Bodie of the elevator maintained for those older members unable to maneuver stairs on a regular basis.

Ken was also overheard in the Locker Room mumbling something about the Knox County Rescue Squad and had they arrived yet. After reviving Mr. Bodie, JuneBug made sure he had his fruit and coffee before he was allowed to leave the Club.

An e-mail from Ken was sent to RBI around 2:00 p.m. today from the Crown Room in Atlanta that stated the following: "I will NOT be joining you there (RBI) ever again. I believe the lack of air conditioning has affected Byran's brain as Superman would complain about 25 plate pushes."

Miss Icuss' response to that e-mail was pretty straight forward: "I thought Mr. Ken had been working out on a regular basis for the past 3 ½ years. Obviously I was mistaken. I'm so sorry to have finished my plate pushes so much sooner that he did. Had I known it would have demoralized him in such a fashion, I honestly would have slacked off!"

As of Noon today, "Jerry's Kids" will here forth be known and recognized as the "Super Advanced Workout Group".

FAMOUS ROYS

Roy Orbison

Roy Rogers

Roy Clark

Roy Biggins

and the most famous of all:

Bruce ROY Hartmann

GOOD LUCK, JOHN FELTON!!!!

The members and staff of the Advanced Workout Group would like to take a moment to wish John Felton good luck in this weekend’s Big Splash Contest being held Sunday July 4, 2010 at Cherokee Country Club pool. As one of the newest members of the Advanced Workout Group, John has been training extremely hard over the past few weeks for this upcoming competition, with good reason. Like other familiar dynasties that have great championship runs (UCLA, Yankees, Bulls, et. al), John is aware of the value of hard work in retaining his championship title year after year. The recent training overseen by his personal coach Bryan Rodriguez including box jumps and impressive sets of mountain climbers will certainly add to both John’s spring height and form off the board this year. With 15 consecutive Big Splash Contest wins under his swimsuit, John once again enters the 2010 contest as the odds on favorite. With his unbeatable combination of bulk, springing ability, and technique, he is a true artist when delivering his patented “Felton Can opener” to the delight of both young and old in the audience at the pool. Much like Augusta National tried to tame Tiger by redoing the golf course; it appears that Cherokee is trying to interject some competetion into this year’s Big Splash contest by locking down the diving board adjustment, which will force John to work with a much springier diving board this year. John’s dedication to the event was evident this morning as he opted out of his usual 6 a.m. Friday morning workout to save his energy to ensure he is at the peak of his springing ability on Sunday. Good luck John. We look forward to seeing a 16th consecutive championship 6 pack of beer get awarded to you on Sunday.

Workout Group Takeover Announced

Media Inquires: Bruce Hartman 584-4637

Knoxville, TN – June 7, 2010 -- In a sudden and surprising move, the Advanced Workout Group announced earlier today the supervised acquisition of all of the remaining assets of the Fitness Amateur Training Group (the “FAT Group”), pictured to the right in their last official group photo. The move comes after several weeks of intense negotiations by the management and board of directors of the FAT Group with others in hopes of keeping the FAT Group’s independence. These negotiations were prompted by the deteriorating condition of the FAT Group over the past several weeks due to the ongoing loss of members from such tragic conditions as male yeast infection and chronic jet lag. The group’s decline could not even be stemmed by such novel innovations as making the FAT Group co-ed with the admission of its first female member. When it became evident that the FAT Group could not survive as a viable entity, the regulatory authorities at Cherokee Country Club, led by Fitness Committee chair Mark Haun, placed the FAT Group into receivership and brokered the late night deal with the Advanced Workout Group to assume the remaining assets. Under the arrangement, the FAT Group will become a wholly owned subsidiary of the Advanced Workout Group and Cherokee Country Club will retain and be responsible for all toxic assets and liabilities of the FAT Group. Although no severance will be provided for the non-acquired members and other assets of the FAT Group, the final negotiations resulted in allowing for continued access to the steam room, towels, and free coffee. The transaction was structured over the holiday weekend so that normal operations resumed on Wednesday morning. Still to be determined is what potential impact this unprecedented arrangement could have on the existing membership on the Fitness Committee and Cherokee Board for certain members of the FAT Group, and if any conflict of interests existed as a result of the arrangement.

Ken Bodie, CEO, of the Advanced Workout Group, said in a statement, “We were pleased to acquire the remaining viable assets of FAT Group and believe that the John “Grape Ape” Felton and Dr. Wallin “Drill ‘Em” Myers will be able to be integrated very quickly into our operations. Like others, we have been watching the deterioration of the FAT Group with great concern about what kind of disruption it would create in the workout room. We are pleased that the authorities at Cherokee also recognized this potential problem and made arrangements that protect the interests of the Advanced Workout Group and its shareholders and the members of Cherokee Country Club. We do not expect this transaction to be accretive to our earnings in the near term.”

Sources indicate that the initial workout on Wednesday went as well as could be expected and the members of the Advanced Workout Group were gracious hosts to their new members, although the new members remained temporarily quarantined and were forced to work out within their own separate group. After the initial training period covering such topics as minimum attendance, repetition counting, clothing, steam room operations, and sweat wiping etiquette, it is expected that the former members of FAT Group will become fully integrated into the Advanced Workout Group.

Cory the Baptist Returns!!!

Knoxville’s only ecumenical workout group, the Ulster Project Workout Group, has reported a busy and productive Easter Season. The Ulster Project Workout Group, led by the Very Rev David Boettner of Sacred Heart Catholic Cathedral and the Very Rev John Ross of St Johns Episcopal Cathedral, was formed to help bridge the terrible sectarian violence and strife that has plagued many of the local workout facilities around Knoxville. “The closing of 180 Fitness, a well known Protestant health club, was the catalyst for the formation of this group”, reported Father David. “After the closing of 180 Fitness, there was no way that I could go to the Rush Fitness, since everyone knows that it is a Catholic stronghold, so we created this group to workout at RBI” said Father John. In this season of resurrection and renewal, the Ulster Project was pleased to announce, to everyone’s shock and delight, the return of Cory “the Baptist” Bond. Cory the Baptist, after having been reported missing and presumed dead, has actually been living for the past 40 weeks in the wilderness while facing ongoing temptations from beer and pizza. His triumphant return and entry into the gates of RBI was reported by many who witnessed it as “miraculous” and has have given hope to others that are thought to be lost. Despite the joy in the return of Cory the Baptist, rumors from RBI headquarters are that it could be a catalyst for a potential schism of the Ulster Project Workout Group. Apparently the papist contingent is putting a hard sell on Cory the Baptist for a conversion. “Sure, I love Sacred Heart Cathedral and attend regularly since I am sleeping with a parishioner, but as a Baptist, I am still used to having communion once every three months with grape juice in plastic cups”, reported Cory the Baptist. Father John continues to make a push for Cory the Baptist by pointing out the ability for him to enjoy a hearty and guilt free steak for lunch on Fridays during Lent. Everyone is hoping that such differences can be settled amicably with the Ulster Group so that they can continue their mission of saving other missing workout group members. As of this writing, the group is planning a mission to the hinterlands to seek out and return the notorious money changer named Gary Parker. Verily, it is written that the Lord smote Parker and he became cursed with excessive gas and flatulence and was banished to the wilderness of Blount County. Let’s hope the group can pull off yet another recovery effort with this lost soul.

Kenny - Missing in Action

After perfect attendance in January 2010, Kenny N. is once again MIA. If you have seen Kenny, please contact Brandon "Hank" Haun at Performance Training Inc. (http://www.performancetraininginc.com/) or Cherokee Country Club Fitness Center immediately.

Kenny Returns to Bootcamp - 100% January Attendance To-Date

Kenny has returned to the CCC MWF 6am BOOTCAMP after an extended absence. Initially it was reported on this blog that Kenny had been diagnosed with Male Yeast Infection (MYI). However, last night the AP WIRE reported the following:

In November and December of 2009 Kenny was being treated for sex addiction at a posh clinic down South, a journalist and author of a book on the affliction said yesterday.

Benoit Denizet-Lewis, a recovering sex addict, said a source with knowledge of the meat magnate’s treatment has confirmed Kenny was at Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services in Hattiesburg, Miss.

Among Kenny’s first lessons, Denizet-Lewis said, was that the oft-questioned addiction to sex is very real.

"We mock or it we say it's not a real addiction," said the journalist, who regularly contributes to the New York Times magazine. "But it's very much the real deal."

The world's No. 1 meat magnate did not have an easy time of it as he tried to conquer the demons that led him to repeatedly cheat on his stunning wife with multiple women, Denizet-Lewis said. "He was not allowed to go and work-out with his buddies or cut meat in the morning during treatment," said Denizet-Lewis, author of "America Anonymous: Eight Addicts in Search of a Life," and his new book, "American Voyeur."

"He did like everyone else - got up early, ate the same food and went through the same emotions. ... It was really an intense experience," he said.
Denizet-Lewis, who chronicles people grappling with addiction, said Kenny felt intense shame at first.

Patients sign a "celibacy contract" that bans all sexual contact - including masturbation - while in treatment. Also included in the pricy program are 12-step meetings, arts-therapy sessions and brutal honesty.

"People tend to come in and be pretty freaked out," Denizet-Lewis said. "You arrive, and suddenly it hits you, 'My God, I'm going to rehab for sex addiction.' "
Despite widespread skepticism about rehab for sex addicts, Denizet-Lewis said the addiction is no less crippling than a bout with booze or drugs.

"You can put down a drink or a drug and not have to see it for a while," he said. "But you can't go anywhere without your genitalia or your brain - those are attached to you, even if they are small like Kenny’s”

The woodsy, fenced-in Mississippi clinic, which would not confirm Kenny's visit, is considered among the best at setting sex addicts straight, Denizet-Lewis said.
He added that no one should hold onto the "glib perception" that entering rehab for sex addiction is akin to landing a prize invite to an orgy.

"Trust me, you're not going to score a lot in sex rehab," he said.

Kenny N. Diagnosed with MYI - Male Yeast Infection

I know that several members of the Upscale Workout Group have been critical of teammate Kenny N. for missing workouts due to his recently diagnosed MYI - Male Yeast Infection. Some members have even been so callous as to laugh about his condition.

Let me attempt to set the record straight:

Male yeast infection is widely misunderstood and is a much overlooked disease today. This report explains the causes, symptoms, and natural treatments without drugs and unwanted side effects. Recent advances have made it possible to eliminate yeast from the body by treating the cause and not just the very uncomfortable effects and symptoms.

Most men will go through life never knowing that they have a candida or fungal infection because it is extremely difficult to detect since men are built different than women. Women will get a vaginal infection and this is the clue that things are amiss in their body. Whereas men will have absolutely no idea they may have a male yeast infection until it creates other problems with their health and gives them a great excuse not to work-out at 6am on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Men who drink excessive amounts of beer have been known to have skin yeast on their penis. They are usually totally unaware they have a male yeast infection due to the outside temperature of the skin being about 77 degrees keeping the infection dormant. But the vaginal canal, being a very inviting place for yeast to grow, can activate the infection in the woman. Before the female notices symptoms, she can give it right back to the male, and it can travel up the urethral canal settling in the prostate. It then literally becomes a ticking time bomb. I believe this to be Kenny's problem (the excessive beer drinking, not the vaginal canal transfer).

In some cases, male yeast infections will be noticeable as a penile yeast infection that has dry cracked skin although the infection can occur most anywhere on the skin. When the man has an erection, this skin can crack and be extremely painful. I believe Grape Ape mentioned that he noticed Kenny had these symptons while sitting next to him in the steam room.

All kidding aside, the cure for Kenny's ailment is simple, yet complicated. If Kenny will simply quit drinking beer, the infection will die on it's own in less than 48 hours.

Kenny, please dry out and return to boot camp! Grape Ape needs someone else to ridicule during pull-ups.

Grape Ape Joins Upscale Bootcamp

*** Knox News Press Release ***

John "Grape Ape" Felton has joined the new exclusive workout group at Cherokee Country Club after being invited to the prestigious group by Kenny "Shingles" Needham and Andy "Half-Reps" Venable.

We caught up with John after Monday's workout and John said "I am delighted to join the group, and I hope to eventually see Kenny and Andy attend so they can witness my super-human feats of strength."

It's Lonely at the Top

A very sad and unsettling truth---upward mobility does not always result in social acceptance---was reveled today when the Advanced Workout Group made a goodwill gesture and took their workout routine on the road to the new home of the “Special” Advanced Workout Group. Just as George and Weezie Jefferson had a hard time breaking in and being accepted by their new neighbors on the Upper West Side, it appears that the “Special” Advanced Work Out group may be having similar struggles. Readers of this blog might recall that several weeks ago, with great fanfare, Butch and Ken announced that the time had come to “take it to the next level, both physically and socially” which resulted in an upgrade and move to the refined air of Cherokee Country Club as a new home base. This announcement was accompanied by glowing reports from Ken and Butch about their new “Special” workout partners – “great guys, really funny, and just a lot of fun to be around” – as well as almost breathless descriptions about their new trainer – “super fit guy, looks like a Russian movie star”.

While always wanting the best for their former colleagues, members of the Advanced Workout Group were concerned about some initial reports of tensions with the old money established Cherokee members upon the arrival and establishment of the “Special” Advanced Workout Group. However, most members of the Advanced Workout Group were willing to dismiss these early reports of “mat fights” and potential fisticuffs as nothing more than unfounded rumors being circulated by disgruntled former 180 Fitness participants (re: Kill, Armstrong, et. al.) that have always tried to keep Ken and Butch down after they were instrumental in ensuring the demise and eventual disbanding of the late 7 Fat Guys Workout Group.

As a gesture of support to their former partners and after an invitation from their fitness leader Bryan, the Advanced Workout Group agreed to delay their normal Labor Day workout routine for an hour and a half and proceed to the confined and cramped spaces of Cherokee to see for themselves exactly how things were going with the “Special” Advanced Workout Group.

Needless to say, it was somewhat sad and very awkward to see the current state of affairs. After 30 minutes of delay, Ken and Butch strolled into Cherokee together and were immediately surprised and taken aback by the Advanced Workout Group in full workout mode. Noticeably absence with Ken and Butch were any of the “great guys” that were supposed be part of this new group. When asked about the rest of the team, Ken and Butch mumbled something about others being “tired” or “out of town”, then quickly slipped off to the stretching room. Even more awkward was the lack of any trainer to assist Ken and Butch. After several frantic phone calls (in violation of the Cherokee workout room policy), Ken was able to get a “trainer” to show up to help keep up the façade. Probably one of the most disheartening events the Advanced Workout Group observed was the reaction of the fellow Cherokee members upon Ken and Butch’s arrival. Perhaps sensing trouble, the other members, most notably Judge Smails and Dr. Beeper, immediately alerted Junebug to their presence and he arrived on the scene and took an assessment of the situation to ensure that tensions remained low and Butch and Ken kept to themselves in the stretching area and did not interact with the other members.

Always gracious, members of the Advanced Workout Group, congratulated Ken and Butch on their new situation, gave them encouragement to stick it out, and expressed hope that eventually they would be allowed to venture over to the treadmill area of the workout room with the other Cherokee members. Plans for future goodwill visits were quickly scuttled after Ken and Butch indicated that they were probably going to be really “busy” over the next few months and probably would not be able to make it happen.

Cherokee Country Club invaded by "NOMADIC GADABOUTS"

The new "Upscale Advanced Workout Group" (UAWG) was surprised this morning when they arrived for their scheduled 8 am workout at the exclusive Cherokee Country Club only to find "nomadic gadabouts" working out at a frantic pace (with the exception of David Jones and Chris Harris who are now following Jack LaLanne's workout regiment).

Once again, Butch Johnson had a "roid-rage" moment and was very close to fisticuffs with Gary Parker; who initially claimed to be Jerry Bodie, CCC Member #939, but was exposed when he was able to perform more than 1 pull-up. Just as Butch was to land a right-hook to Parker's face, the UAWG's trainer, DRAGO sprang to action (30 minutes late) and single-handedly forced the work-out gypsies back to 180 Sports and Fitness where they belong.

Changes in the Advanced Work Out Group

The once unthinkable has happened! Ken Bodie, founding member and spiritual leader of the Advanced Work Out Group, and Butch Johnson, longtime member and senior Webb representative for the Advanced Work Out Group, have announced their plans to leave 180 Sports and Fitness and the Advanced Work Out Group and form a new “Special” Advanced Work Out Group at Cherokee Country Club.

Just like George and Weezie Jefferson, Ken and Butch are “moving on up” to the West Side to a deluxe workout room in the sky.

When contacted about the reasons for the move, Ken said, “Certainly this was a tough decision for Butch and me. However, most people that know us know that we are all about taking things to the next level and I think that Cherokee is the place for us to be the best we can be. 180 was a great place when I was just starting out, but for where I am now physically, I really need to move it on up. Look around--the treadmills don’t work, the 6 am female workout group is not what it used to be—things have changed. Most concerning to me is that due to the recent financial situation at 180, they are no longer able to stock KelSan™ cleaning supplies and products (now available at local FoodCity™ locations). The replacement toilet paper is just not very soft and it concerns me about just how sanitary the rest of the place could possibly be if BrightSolutions ™ products are no longer part of the cleaning process.”

Ken added, “Hey, no offense to Gary, but if you know anything about the people that belong to Cherokee, you know that their flatulence has a really pleasant aroma to it so that should also be an improvement I am looking forward to.”

Butch said, “I really appreciate this group taking me in and being patient with me when I first showed up, but I also need to move on. One nice thing about the move is that I won’t have to hear Bruce’s constant chatter about Catholic High School athletics. Can’t the guy give it up? His kids don’t even go to school there any more. I personally don’t care who wins the Webb/Catholic football game each year. I just hope to see some good sportsmanship on both sides since that is really what it is all about.”

Some investigation by Knoxville News Sentinel reporters reveal there may be more to the story that the initial explanations provided by Ken and Butch.

There is ongoing speculation that Ken and Butch’s eye popping improvements in the results posted on the most recent fitness test might also be accompanied by some classic signs of “’roid rage”. According to the management of 180, there have been several complaints from other members about Ken and Butch throwing weights around and getting into heated confrontations on the running track with some of the older and slower members when they did not get out of the way quickly enough.

More ominously, sources tell us that Greg Swerksy, Knoxville’s collection czar, recently received a $25 past due invoice from his customer 180 Sports and Fitness. According to Greg, “Customer confidentiality laws preclude me from saying anything about this account, but rest assured Ken’s move to Cherokee eliminates what could have been a very awkward situation during our morning workouts.”

Bryan added, “I thought something was up when after a particularly strenuous workout, Ken called me afterwards to make some suggestions for some new workout routines. Although Ken has been making a lot of progress with the Advanced Workout Group, I really did not think 30 minutes of stretching followed by 30 minutes in the sauna telling golf stories would be a very effective workout for the rest of the group. I think that by going to Cherokee and starting the “Special” Advanced Workout, he and Butch may find what they are looking for.”

As the Advanced Workout Group begins interviews for new members, it wishes Ken and Butch all the best in their new routine. A ceremony to add their portraits to the Group’s Wall of Memories along with others that has passed along (the Mayor, Tappy, Mr. Wednesday, Jerry, Kirk, Smelly Guy in the grey shirt, etc.) will be scheduled for late September.

Mr. Wednesday missing for months, presumed Dead

Press Release August 4, 2009 4:00pm EST, AP Wire - Knoxville, TN

The Advanced Workout Group held a brief ceremony yesterday at 180 Sports and Fitness Center, mourning the loss of "Mr. Wednesday" from their Monday, Wednesday, and Friday exercise class.

Fitness expert Bryan Rodriguez instructed the entire group to run 3 laps with 12 degree inclines on their treadmills, but the group only ran 1, in honor of the man who normally worked out one day a week, hence his name, "Mr. Wednesday"

After the ceremony, the group was instructed to donate money to 180 Sports and Fitness in leiu of flowers (after all, they need the money).