Mr. Wednesday missing for months, presumed Dead

Press Release August 4, 2009 4:00pm EST, AP Wire - Knoxville, TN

The Advanced Workout Group held a brief ceremony yesterday at 180 Sports and Fitness Center, mourning the loss of "Mr. Wednesday" from their Monday, Wednesday, and Friday exercise class.

Fitness expert Bryan Rodriguez instructed the entire group to run 3 laps with 12 degree inclines on their treadmills, but the group only ran 1, in honor of the man who normally worked out one day a week, hence his name, "Mr. Wednesday"

After the ceremony, the group was instructed to donate money to 180 Sports and Fitness in leiu of flowers (after all, they need the money).

Parker returns again, joins "Jerry's Kids"

It appears the rumors are true. Gary Parker was spotted this morning at 180 Sports and Fitness working out with "Jerry's Kids". Just after the workout, ace reporter Butch Johnson caught up with Parker to ask him about his triumphant return from his back injury....

Parker said, "I am thrilled to return to working out on Tuesdays and Thursdays with Jerry's Kids. It sure is nice to sleep later and not have to work-out as hard, plus this pansy group is afraid to approach me when I have my bouts of flatulence!"

Johnson also reported that a long-time member of the advanced group, Bruce Hartmann, was seen leaving 180 Sports and Fitness at the same time as Parker. Is Hartmann planning to jump-ship to this new spastic group?

Stay tuned.

Welcome Back Gary!

Gary Parker resumed his workouts this past Monday after a two week absence. It is interesting that Gary returned the same day as Greg Kill. I cannot help but wonder if Greg is now paying for Gary?

Based on the picture, I also wonder if Gary had been visiting The Eternal Fountain of Youth while he was away?

Kill Returns??

According to the latest blog gossip, Mr. Greg Kill will return to bootcamp training for late afternoon sessions. Quite frankly, the advanced group finds this hard to believe as Mr. Kill is known for his late afternoon rounds of frisbee golf and beer drinking. Stay tuned, if Kill returns, this site will post details immediately!

Fat Guys always QUIT!

It appears that "Fat Guys" always QUIT! Well, at least 6 of the 7 did.

Congratulations to Cory Bond for graduating to the elderly, err, I mean advanced group.

Cory, please understand that in our group, we all pay our own way and we reserve the right to complain about aches, pains, and hundreds.

Also, we have the "Parker Rule" which states that the warm-up session is optional if you agree that you will not pass gas during workouts.

Welcome aboard and please feel free to bring your "Bond-Girls" to our work-out sessions (since all those embarrasing FAT GUYS have quit.)

Happy Birthday Dr. Jones!

On October 8, 2007, Dr. David Jones (pictured) turned 40 years of age. Obviously Dr. Jones is in perfect health. When asked how he has kept his 'youthful image', Dr. Jones gave credit to Performance Training Group for their intense workouts, and his lovely wife for their daily 'picnics' at home.

Happy Belated Birthday, Dr. Jones!

Armstrong OUTED!

It appears that David Armstrong, previously known as "Lance" Armstrong, is really more like "Louis" Armstrong.

David Jones was not able to participate in the marching band at Bearden High School because David Armstrong (pictured back row top right) took the ninth and final spot in the Clarinet section of the prestigious Bearden High School Marching Band. According to past band members, Jones would have been next in line if Armstrong had not been in the competition for the coveted spot.

This explains why Jones has insisted that the "7 Fat Guys" not work out with the advanced group as past wounds take time to heal.