The once unthinkable has happened! Ken Bodie, founding member and spiritual leader of the Advanced Work Out Group, and Butch Johnson, longtime member and senior Webb representative for the Advanced Work Out Group, have announced their plans to leave 180 Sports and Fitness and the Advanced Work Out Group and form a new “Special” Advanced Work Out Group at Cherokee Country Club.
Just like George and Weezie Jefferson, Ken and Butch are “moving on up” to the West Side to a deluxe workout room in the sky.
When contacted about the reasons for the move, Ken said, “Certainly this was a tough decision for Butch and me. However, most people that know us know that we are all about taking things to the next level and I think that Cherokee is the place for us to be the best we can be. 180 was a great place when I was just starting out, but for where I am now physically, I really need to move it on up. Look around--the treadmills don’t work, the 6 am female workout group is not what it used to be—things have changed. Most concerning to me is that due to the recent financial situation at 180, they are no longer able to stock KelSan™ cleaning supplies and products (now available at local FoodCity™ locations). The replacement toilet paper is just not very soft and it concerns me about just how sanitary the rest of the place could possibly be if BrightSolutions ™ products are no longer part of the cleaning process.”
Ken added, “Hey, no offense to Gary, but if you know anything about the people that belong to Cherokee, you know that their flatulence has a really pleasant aroma to it so that should also be an improvement I am looking forward to.”
Butch said, “I really appreciate this group taking me in and being patient with me when I first showed up, but I also need to move on. One nice thing about the move is that I won’t have to hear Bruce’s constant chatter about Catholic High School athletics. Can’t the guy give it up? His kids don’t even go to school there any more. I personally don’t care who wins the Webb/Catholic football game each year. I just hope to see some good sportsmanship on both sides since that is really what it is all about.”
Some investigation by Knoxville News Sentinel reporters reveal there may be more to the story that the initial explanations provided by Ken and Butch.
There is ongoing speculation that Ken and Butch’s eye popping improvements in the results posted on the most recent fitness test might also be accompanied by some classic signs of “’roid rage”. According to the management of 180, there have been several complaints from other members about Ken and Butch throwing weights around and getting into heated confrontations on the running track with some of the older and slower members when they did not get out of the way quickly enough.
More ominously, sources tell us that Greg Swerksy, Knoxville’s collection czar, recently received a $25 past due invoice from his customer 180 Sports and Fitness. According to Greg, “Customer confidentiality laws preclude me from saying anything about this account, but rest assured Ken’s move to Cherokee eliminates what could have been a very awkward situation during our morning workouts.”
Bryan added, “I thought something was up when after a particularly strenuous workout, Ken called me afterwards to make some suggestions for some new workout routines. Although Ken has been making a lot of progress with the Advanced Workout Group, I really did not think 30 minutes of stretching followed by 30 minutes in the sauna telling golf stories would be a very effective workout for the rest of the group. I think that by going to Cherokee and starting the “Special” Advanced Workout, he and Butch may find what they are looking for.”
As the Advanced Workout Group begins interviews for new members, it wishes Ken and Butch all the best in their new routine. A ceremony to add their portraits to the Group’s Wall of Memories along with others that has passed along (the Mayor, Tappy, Mr. Wednesday, Jerry, Kirk, Smelly Guy in the grey shirt, etc.) will be scheduled for late September.
