Ken "Barry" B*die

With all the speculation surrounding Barry Bonds these days, I started drawing parallels between Barry Bonds and Ken B*die. On day one, we came into boot camp and we were placed in a class with the "advanced" group. When they said "advanced" I thought they were talking about their age because everyone in their group is a card carrying member of the AARP. But after 1 hour I realized something was amiss. Then I began noticing some strange things within the group such as David Jone's superhuman core. Wasn't he in the band in High School? Justin, their trainer, was a likable young man with a full head of hair but after several weeks I noticed his hair and his personality degraded at a rapid rate. He makes Lyle Alzado seem like a greeter at Wal-mart. Then Francis just comes right in and skips the amateur group and goes directly to the big leagues. I guess UT football players never use steroids. That is when I decided to research steroids and performance enhancing drugs.

This is what I found:

1. Steroid use causes heart attacks (How many have you had, Mr. B*die?)
2. Steroid use causes aggressive and combative behavior (Read Ken's posts)
3. Steroid use causes impotence (I really do not need to comment here)
4. Steroid use causes hair loss (Busted, Mr. B*die!)

I know that B*die will never admit to "knowingly" taking performance enhancing drugs but I think he owes the other weekend warriors an apology. The real victims are the Holecek's and the Floyd's of the world. They have come to this Boot camp with a clean conscience and a clean urinalysis!