Kenny N. Diagnosed with MYI - Male Yeast Infection

I know that several members of the Upscale Workout Group have been critical of teammate Kenny N. for missing workouts due to his recently diagnosed MYI - Male Yeast Infection. Some members have even been so callous as to laugh about his condition.

Let me attempt to set the record straight:

Male yeast infection is widely misunderstood and is a much overlooked disease today. This report explains the causes, symptoms, and natural treatments without drugs and unwanted side effects. Recent advances have made it possible to eliminate yeast from the body by treating the cause and not just the very uncomfortable effects and symptoms.

Most men will go through life never knowing that they have a candida or fungal infection because it is extremely difficult to detect since men are built different than women. Women will get a vaginal infection and this is the clue that things are amiss in their body. Whereas men will have absolutely no idea they may have a male yeast infection until it creates other problems with their health and gives them a great excuse not to work-out at 6am on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Men who drink excessive amounts of beer have been known to have skin yeast on their penis. They are usually totally unaware they have a male yeast infection due to the outside temperature of the skin being about 77 degrees keeping the infection dormant. But the vaginal canal, being a very inviting place for yeast to grow, can activate the infection in the woman. Before the female notices symptoms, she can give it right back to the male, and it can travel up the urethral canal settling in the prostate. It then literally becomes a ticking time bomb. I believe this to be Kenny's problem (the excessive beer drinking, not the vaginal canal transfer).

In some cases, male yeast infections will be noticeable as a penile yeast infection that has dry cracked skin although the infection can occur most anywhere on the skin. When the man has an erection, this skin can crack and be extremely painful. I believe Grape Ape mentioned that he noticed Kenny had these symptons while sitting next to him in the steam room.

All kidding aside, the cure for Kenny's ailment is simple, yet complicated. If Kenny will simply quit drinking beer, the infection will die on it's own in less than 48 hours.

Kenny, please dry out and return to boot camp! Grape Ape needs someone else to ridicule during pull-ups.

Grape Ape Joins Upscale Bootcamp

*** Knox News Press Release ***

John "Grape Ape" Felton has joined the new exclusive workout group at Cherokee Country Club after being invited to the prestigious group by Kenny "Shingles" Needham and Andy "Half-Reps" Venable.

We caught up with John after Monday's workout and John said "I am delighted to join the group, and I hope to eventually see Kenny and Andy attend so they can witness my super-human feats of strength."

It's Lonely at the Top

A very sad and unsettling truth---upward mobility does not always result in social acceptance---was reveled today when the Advanced Workout Group made a goodwill gesture and took their workout routine on the road to the new home of the “Special” Advanced Workout Group. Just as George and Weezie Jefferson had a hard time breaking in and being accepted by their new neighbors on the Upper West Side, it appears that the “Special” Advanced Work Out group may be having similar struggles. Readers of this blog might recall that several weeks ago, with great fanfare, Butch and Ken announced that the time had come to “take it to the next level, both physically and socially” which resulted in an upgrade and move to the refined air of Cherokee Country Club as a new home base. This announcement was accompanied by glowing reports from Ken and Butch about their new “Special” workout partners – “great guys, really funny, and just a lot of fun to be around” – as well as almost breathless descriptions about their new trainer – “super fit guy, looks like a Russian movie star”.

While always wanting the best for their former colleagues, members of the Advanced Workout Group were concerned about some initial reports of tensions with the old money established Cherokee members upon the arrival and establishment of the “Special” Advanced Workout Group. However, most members of the Advanced Workout Group were willing to dismiss these early reports of “mat fights” and potential fisticuffs as nothing more than unfounded rumors being circulated by disgruntled former 180 Fitness participants (re: Kill, Armstrong, et. al.) that have always tried to keep Ken and Butch down after they were instrumental in ensuring the demise and eventual disbanding of the late 7 Fat Guys Workout Group.

As a gesture of support to their former partners and after an invitation from their fitness leader Bryan, the Advanced Workout Group agreed to delay their normal Labor Day workout routine for an hour and a half and proceed to the confined and cramped spaces of Cherokee to see for themselves exactly how things were going with the “Special” Advanced Workout Group.

Needless to say, it was somewhat sad and very awkward to see the current state of affairs. After 30 minutes of delay, Ken and Butch strolled into Cherokee together and were immediately surprised and taken aback by the Advanced Workout Group in full workout mode. Noticeably absence with Ken and Butch were any of the “great guys” that were supposed be part of this new group. When asked about the rest of the team, Ken and Butch mumbled something about others being “tired” or “out of town”, then quickly slipped off to the stretching room. Even more awkward was the lack of any trainer to assist Ken and Butch. After several frantic phone calls (in violation of the Cherokee workout room policy), Ken was able to get a “trainer” to show up to help keep up the façade. Probably one of the most disheartening events the Advanced Workout Group observed was the reaction of the fellow Cherokee members upon Ken and Butch’s arrival. Perhaps sensing trouble, the other members, most notably Judge Smails and Dr. Beeper, immediately alerted Junebug to their presence and he arrived on the scene and took an assessment of the situation to ensure that tensions remained low and Butch and Ken kept to themselves in the stretching area and did not interact with the other members.

Always gracious, members of the Advanced Workout Group, congratulated Ken and Butch on their new situation, gave them encouragement to stick it out, and expressed hope that eventually they would be allowed to venture over to the treadmill area of the workout room with the other Cherokee members. Plans for future goodwill visits were quickly scuttled after Ken and Butch indicated that they were probably going to be really “busy” over the next few months and probably would not be able to make it happen.

Cherokee Country Club invaded by "NOMADIC GADABOUTS"

The new "Upscale Advanced Workout Group" (UAWG) was surprised this morning when they arrived for their scheduled 8 am workout at the exclusive Cherokee Country Club only to find "nomadic gadabouts" working out at a frantic pace (with the exception of David Jones and Chris Harris who are now following Jack LaLanne's workout regiment).

Once again, Butch Johnson had a "roid-rage" moment and was very close to fisticuffs with Gary Parker; who initially claimed to be Jerry Bodie, CCC Member #939, but was exposed when he was able to perform more than 1 pull-up. Just as Butch was to land a right-hook to Parker's face, the UAWG's trainer, DRAGO sprang to action (30 minutes late) and single-handedly forced the work-out gypsies back to 180 Sports and Fitness where they belong.

Changes in the Advanced Work Out Group

The once unthinkable has happened! Ken Bodie, founding member and spiritual leader of the Advanced Work Out Group, and Butch Johnson, longtime member and senior Webb representative for the Advanced Work Out Group, have announced their plans to leave 180 Sports and Fitness and the Advanced Work Out Group and form a new “Special” Advanced Work Out Group at Cherokee Country Club.

Just like George and Weezie Jefferson, Ken and Butch are “moving on up” to the West Side to a deluxe workout room in the sky.

When contacted about the reasons for the move, Ken said, “Certainly this was a tough decision for Butch and me. However, most people that know us know that we are all about taking things to the next level and I think that Cherokee is the place for us to be the best we can be. 180 was a great place when I was just starting out, but for where I am now physically, I really need to move it on up. Look around--the treadmills don’t work, the 6 am female workout group is not what it used to be—things have changed. Most concerning to me is that due to the recent financial situation at 180, they are no longer able to stock KelSan™ cleaning supplies and products (now available at local FoodCity™ locations). The replacement toilet paper is just not very soft and it concerns me about just how sanitary the rest of the place could possibly be if BrightSolutions ™ products are no longer part of the cleaning process.”

Ken added, “Hey, no offense to Gary, but if you know anything about the people that belong to Cherokee, you know that their flatulence has a really pleasant aroma to it so that should also be an improvement I am looking forward to.”

Butch said, “I really appreciate this group taking me in and being patient with me when I first showed up, but I also need to move on. One nice thing about the move is that I won’t have to hear Bruce’s constant chatter about Catholic High School athletics. Can’t the guy give it up? His kids don’t even go to school there any more. I personally don’t care who wins the Webb/Catholic football game each year. I just hope to see some good sportsmanship on both sides since that is really what it is all about.”

Some investigation by Knoxville News Sentinel reporters reveal there may be more to the story that the initial explanations provided by Ken and Butch.

There is ongoing speculation that Ken and Butch’s eye popping improvements in the results posted on the most recent fitness test might also be accompanied by some classic signs of “’roid rage”. According to the management of 180, there have been several complaints from other members about Ken and Butch throwing weights around and getting into heated confrontations on the running track with some of the older and slower members when they did not get out of the way quickly enough.

More ominously, sources tell us that Greg Swerksy, Knoxville’s collection czar, recently received a $25 past due invoice from his customer 180 Sports and Fitness. According to Greg, “Customer confidentiality laws preclude me from saying anything about this account, but rest assured Ken’s move to Cherokee eliminates what could have been a very awkward situation during our morning workouts.”

Bryan added, “I thought something was up when after a particularly strenuous workout, Ken called me afterwards to make some suggestions for some new workout routines. Although Ken has been making a lot of progress with the Advanced Workout Group, I really did not think 30 minutes of stretching followed by 30 minutes in the sauna telling golf stories would be a very effective workout for the rest of the group. I think that by going to Cherokee and starting the “Special” Advanced Workout, he and Butch may find what they are looking for.”

As the Advanced Workout Group begins interviews for new members, it wishes Ken and Butch all the best in their new routine. A ceremony to add their portraits to the Group’s Wall of Memories along with others that has passed along (the Mayor, Tappy, Mr. Wednesday, Jerry, Kirk, Smelly Guy in the grey shirt, etc.) will be scheduled for late September.

Mr. Wednesday missing for months, presumed Dead

Press Release August 4, 2009 4:00pm EST, AP Wire - Knoxville, TN

The Advanced Workout Group held a brief ceremony yesterday at 180 Sports and Fitness Center, mourning the loss of "Mr. Wednesday" from their Monday, Wednesday, and Friday exercise class.

Fitness expert Bryan Rodriguez instructed the entire group to run 3 laps with 12 degree inclines on their treadmills, but the group only ran 1, in honor of the man who normally worked out one day a week, hence his name, "Mr. Wednesday"

After the ceremony, the group was instructed to donate money to 180 Sports and Fitness in leiu of flowers (after all, they need the money).